alert...emo post ahead!

im not looking forward to tomorrow at all.
Never wanted to do it...but since most people dun mind, can i say no?
I was dreading it the whole day today.
At least some of my classmates know about it already and hopefully wont laugh at me too much.
And oh well...it could be fun. Who knows?

How do u continue with something when ur heart isnt in it anymore.
When u simply dun feel like going for it?

I've given up on alot of things recently.
Not the kind of giving up associated with sacrifices.
But more like i simply lost interest and stopped.
It was swimming a long time ago, then art class, then skating.
I even dread going for music classes quite abit nowadays.
I dont practise and come up with crappy excuses.

Sometimes it really feels sucky...
Like a kind of failure or something of that sort.
Like i never really achieved or succeeded at anything.
Like i can never be really good at something.
Everything just came along and i did it.
And once i dont like it that much i stop.
There's doesnt seem to be any determination or anything involved in the things i do.
Fine..that may sound kinda extreme.
But there's quite abit of that feeling in me sometimes.

Take skating for example.
Yes...i do miss skating alot.
But sometimes i dont want to go to the rink at all.
Coz im scared of failing,
scared of falling,
scared of being unable to do the things i used to be able to do.
I couldnt commit to skating at all.
Lessons once a week were crappy and inconsistant.
One week i could do all the jumps and progress even further.
The next week i cant even land a single jump.
Imagine getting stuck at the same level for 1-2 years.
Doing the same thing over and over again every week.
It's inevitable i guess with the amount of practise i get.
But the feeling sucks really.
So now that my coach/ex-coach is pregnant and away.
I simply stopped going to the rink after awhile.
Didnt really say that i was stopping officially.
I simply stopped going.

Do i miss skating?
Of course!

People say the things u regret in life are not the things u did but rather the things u didnt do.
Will i regret never landing the double flip, lutz or axel?
Or making my dbl toe and loop consistant after so many years?
Or taking part in all the competitions?
Of course!
But somehow i was never in the mood for lessons after awhile..
warming up properly seemed pointless.
I could go on being emo about skating.
But what's the point...since i've stopped for so long already.

On to another matter.
I think im sometimes too affected by what others around me are saying
though it's not about me.
Get what i mean?

For example...
when some of my frens are stressing and complaining about certain stuff
say exams, workload, competitions etc
I tend to get really stressed about what they say
and would rather pull away and not listen.
Im probably experiencing the same thing...or not
but once i listen, somehow i feel unprepared and really stressed out.
Oh well...I cant seem to express clearly what im trying to say here.

And i think i've been neglecting some of my friends recently.
Read somewhere about how it's so weird that frens can sometimes be so close
and gradually and unknowingly become distant after awhile.

This is probably the first emo post i have in this blog.
Just a whole bunch of crap actually.
Im sorry if i've wasted anyone's time.
Hopefully there wont be anymore anytime soon.